I’ve been here and there an on the in-between but let me mention the important things:
- I switched thyroid medication in November. I NEVER talk about my thyroid disease in this space because I have never wanted to market myself and my work with my disease. However, let me say, I feel alive and awake and wildly vigorous for the first time in a handful of years. I am naturally a tremendously energetic individual so I am not even remotely sure how to describe my current transformation or RESTORATION of self. I feel so good. I do not wish to discuss the specifics of my thyroid treatment or diagnosis in the comment section here so please don’t ask for specifics…just know that I am very well for the first time in a long while. Boy howdy. I am well.
- Christmas and the new year brought a gaggle of friends to the strawbale house and it was a rich time that we cherished with all our hearts. This house is remote. We sold our home in Pocatello with the great regret of leaving our friends there. We have seen SO much of our people though, since the end of the fire season, that I feel hyper-stimulated socially. To boot, we have managed to lock ourselves into the neighbor-hub here on the Snake River and have been engaging fully with the locals. They are a wonderful, eclectic mix of folk and we are blessed to be part of their realm. This section of the Snake River has a rich bohemian history rooted in the rotation and habitation of a handful of famous artists and we also boast the only Frank Lloyd Wright house in all of Idaho. It’s true! I hope to see it in person some day but in the meanwhile, I have met the owner of the house and he is lovely and a writer and an architecture enthusiast and fascinating (from a distance), to boot. I always want to know people immediately but I know that not everyone operates like me, with the immediacy of easy vulnerability and unguardedness so I try to rein myself in and offer myself in a more normal-rate-of-knowingness. Man. It’s a task. I’m a beast. I’m a beast of open-booked-ness.
- I rode a Peruvian Paso horse today by the name of Fabrio. He had a mane and forelock like an ocean and it was immediate love at first stride. No one can comprehend how desperately I crave a horse of my own these days. No one. Not even Robert, who knows me best of all. It’s a sharp ache in me. We work on assuaging the issue on a regular basis, which is to say we keep our eyes and hearts open for the right horse, but it’s so hard to decide between breeds and I am a passionate believer in breeds. I have bird dogs and have seen their instincts and bloodlines at work. It’s a serious thing, a breed. Not for fashion, but for life purpose and a blessed destiny and partnership with a human. I believe in it. I lean heavily towards the BLM Mustang but am terribly interested in gaited horses, as well. Bottom line: I want a horse I can ride immediately and grow into and with. I want a sturdy horse. I want a horse that can take me up mountains, ride me into my elk hunts, and be my good friend when Robert is away fighting fires. It’s a lot to want but I know there is an animal out there that can fulfill my needs and that I can give back to, equally. Oh, but how long, how long must I endure this waiting.
- Lord, give me a horse.
- We are listening to Neko Case on vinyl tonight and it is glorious. Also, we have been listening to Jewel’s “Lullaby” album non-stop (which might be her most beautiful selection of songs of all time). I must also mention Rose Cousins with whom I am utterly besotted. If I did not mention her, it would be a true crime. A true crime.
- I continue reading my way through Hemingway which was a summertime goal, if you can recall, to make my way through his novels…it continues to be a great pleasure.
- We’ve been on an old film kick here and it has been AMAZING!!!!!!!! Well, there was Cleopatra with Liz taylor, then Suddenly, Last Summer, A Place in the Sun, River of No Return (with Marilyn) (oh my gosh, what a creature she is), The Moon-Spinners (with Hayley — who we LOVE)…………to say the least, I truly do adore the way people used to act. I mean the overacting, the costumes, the makeup, the seamed tights, the ballgowns, the eyelashes, the enunciation, the suggested sex scenes that leave SO MUCH more to the imagination, the platinum hair…oh man, I want to dye my hair white right now. When is the last time you watched old films? They’re such a wonderful departure from current cinema which seems so redundant at times, replete with remakes and a complete lack of imagination.
- We saw the new Star Wars and we loved it. Have you seen it? What did you think?
- The spring is already beginning to shape up and by shape up I mean absolute insanity is about to break lose in my life with regards to shoot schedules, trips, Rob’s early season work in the southeast and studio work. In the midst of all of that, I am trying to figure out new directions in work — my freelance photography continues to evolve and the month of January will bring on a bit of a re-branding campaign for The Noisy Plume. I don’t know how to fit everything in so I just keep on doing the best I can. I just keep on feeling it out, like I have been for nine years now. I don’t know what else to do. The learning curve with all of this is absolutely eternal. I never wind up on top. There’s always something new bearing down on me from around the next corner. I don’t know what else to do but do my very best. When I lay down to sleep at night, I let everything go…with a flutter of eyelashes and deep breaths and an arm wrapped around Robbie’s ribs.
- January brings such cold, blue, clarity. How the heck are you?
Loving this post so much, your candor, your compassion, you’re wanting a horse. The right horse will find you, you know how that goes. 😉
Wishing you just simply the best 2016 sweet lady.
Sending you love from sunny Thailand,
Xo’Dagmar
I can hear the energy in your voice!!! I have been following your blog for sometime and it transports me to such a wonderful place. Thank you and a very happy new year to you
Happy new year, Jillian!
I’ve been working my way through old Ingmar Bergman films this winter. I still think Persona will always be my favorite, but Wild Strawberries is also one of those films that makes me ache. I´m not a `Christmassy` person, but since I´ve moved to Europe, I find myself missing my family a lot, and I end up listening to Bing Crosby and Nat King Cole on repeat for the entirety of December. This year I ended up watching White Christmas with Bing Crosby and Rosemary Clooney. I just loved the romance of it all. The dancing, the costumes, the showtime atmosphere. Sometimes it makes me sad, because it´s so far away in the past… but it feels wonderful to embrace and appreciate a film like that.
I hope you find your horse soon. When I was small, I always wanted to ride. It wasn´t my destiny. We have a lot of stables nearby and I love the smell of damp hay and manure. Maybe one day… until then I´ll enjoy reading about your journey
Oh the places your eyes have seen! Glorious photos! I’m headed west come summer, but your pictures make me want to plan a winter trip as well!!
We just watched River of No Return. The scenery is straight from heaven! It was a treat to go back in time.
Best wishes for your horse search and for a blessed 2016!
you know me and that snake river :: i’m smitten with that green beauty….
lord, give jillian a horse. please. thank you.
xx
ah, jillian… the places you’ll go! i can scarcely imagine what’s next for you with your restoration wellness!
i have been listening to jewel’s greatest hits on vinyl. i will also be getting her lullabies. i love 40’s era movies. that was my parents’ time, and i ache so when i see the loveliness of those days. i have been given boxes of old photos and slides from the 40’s on and i must figure out a plan for going through all of them. i’ve been reading the old poets and am building my collection of antiquarian books, one volume at a time. 2016 is my year to switch over to all natural housekeeping products, which i am excited about.
perhaps 2016 is your year of the horse! i’m quite certain that he or she is out there waiting, maybe impatiently stamping a hoof from time to time… just be careful when the chosen one steals your heart– before you know it they’re asking to bring along friends and family!!! 😉
love to you xx
I think I might just have dove into a few of those photos. Its not too much to say your words and photos a few years ago initiated a transition of my feelings about winter. It’s not a full on love affair, yet, but we certainly are a courting, winter and I.
I’d had horses all my life. And then I didn’t and thought I never would again. Until, not looking, I found her – a sturdy little palomino Quarter Horse. I cried when we couldn’t negotiate a deal for her. I’d never cried for a horse before – and that made me cry even more. I cried for 2 weeks until, out of the blue, the owner(unknowing of my heartache) texted me “come get her”. I promised her she could stay forever (she’d been through 10 homes in her 8 years) – and I’m pretty sure she said thank you. This year, we are learning mounted archery.
Blessings xo
Lady PLUME!!! How the heck are you? Where have you been, I’ve been waiting for you! I absolutely adore old movies. Did I ever tell you I was a Las Vegas Showgirl? Well, yes, yes I was, I am retired now of course, retired from the stage, never in my heart. I dance every where every day and always will. The reason I bring this up, Is because we had to “dress up” to walk thru the casinos, like back in the day, like wear a dress, heels, hair done, make-up, and it was so nice, it took a little bit more time but it was so worth it. It reminds me always of those old movies you wrote about, they took more time, took more care, left more to the imagination…I will always love the old movies. I have only been to the Snake River once but still have it firmly in my mind, what a beautiful place it is, hopefully I can explore it more in the near future, but tell me don’t you miss your little farm house you two worked so hard on? I have been listening to my stations on Pandora a lot mostly Mazzystar and Portishead with a little radiohead thrown in. Oohh, I just finished “All the light we can not see” I cried and cried. Now I am starting Susannah Conways, this I know; Notes on unraveling the heart. It’s the New Year, New journal thing!! So looking forward to 2016! Really excited to hear you are revamping the brand, looking forward to what you are doing!
XoXoX Simone. Oh, P.S. Lord Please give Jillian a horse!!!
Your energy comes through every line of this post. I’m so happy for you. To find lost energy is such a gift.
I love winter. I love snow. I love both the screaming wind and the whisper of snow skittering across the roads. I love the cold. You caught it perfectly with these photos. Memories of long quiet road trips cross that beautiful country.
I had Morgan horses. I had quarter horses. I had an Appaloosa. By far and with my whole heart I loved the Morgans best for that country. Strong, smart, sure footed on trails – a perfect, smooth ride. Ride them,pack them, pull with them (I’m talking elk here). Just my 2 cents.
So glad you are well! Every picture of the Snake River looks quite surreal to me… it’s like a Fantasy Land. I hope you find your horse~ and the love-fest can begin! The new year for me has been filled with so much crankiness; I hope to get out from under it, soon.
~aloha~
Jillian,
My friend told me about The Noisy Plume in September and I have been hooked ever since! I am a fellow elk hunter and Idahoan (just moved to Idaho in September:) and I find that the emotions I have trouble putting into words seem to flow from you so eloquently and effortlessly. “I always want to know people immediately but I know that not everyone operates like me, with the immediacy of easy vulnerability and unguardedness”..totally understand! Thank you so much for sharing parts of yourself with me!
Affecionately, Jessica
SEAMED TIGHTS!! I was born in the wrong (fashion) era.
Your being a “beast of open bookedness” is a gift. Its a “lets cut to the chase, who are you, life is too short for this dance, and I’m excited”, yet its a dance i think most of us continue to play. I guess its a safety thing, a caution. Too much energy when you meet someone, and you could be viewed as a weirdo or desperate, which is unfortunate. I too find myself having to “reel it in”. Those are the exact same words I have used in my own head. Visiting your blog is like food for the soul. You put your vulnerability out there, and we respond in kind. We don’t have to do the dance
Oh Jillian, so so SO happy to hear you are WELL. Love to you, the Mister and your gaggle of beautiful beasts.
xx
Cathy
I absolutely love your photography! I somehow stumbled up your instagram – I think it was via Chris aka muledragger – and thus found your blog. Your photos are beautiful and inspire me to get outside more! I haven’t commented before but just felt the need to put my 2 cents in on a horse. I agree with Elizabeth; Morgan horses are the best. I grew up riding and showing Morgans, my grandmother still raises them and I have a half Morgan half Thoroughbred. They are sturdy horses with gentle hearts. I really hope you 2016 is the year of the horse for you. Good luck!!
jillian,
we have been given such a gift in the interior west- so glad you are enjoying life out here with new vibrancy! I feel so much kinship with you in your desire to be completely open with folks from the very beginning; I often struggle with feeling too much but have to remind myself that I am able to experience the world so much more with this wild & open heart.
winter in montana has been full of xc ski days out into the mountains, above the clouds & evenings playing rounds upon rounds of cribbage by the fire. wishing you well as you plan and pray for the future. lord, bring around that horse!
peace, kyle
Perhaps you might want to squeeze this little event in between all your comings & goings!
Just so happens to be in your favorite, forever Idaho. Sounds like an omen to me. 😉
http://extrememustangmakeover.com/extreme-mustang-makeover-idaho/
Busy Busy Busy! Some may say that winter is the time for hibernation but this time of year is when I always get super fired up! We have had good snow in our SoCal mountains for the first time in a few years and it’s taking all my willpower to not skip out on work for some back-county adventuring. Thank you so much for you words and images they always inspire me to find my own voice and explore the crap out of my surroundings.
The photos give me a chill, and I love it.
Glad i caught you here, too occupied to be able to visit regularly but when I do I always hope to catch up and in a weird way I feel that I have caught up…glad you #1 problem is feeling great…every day I hear of people with this sort of problem.
I can feel your aching for a horse, really 🙂 We had a horse growing up, who was more like one of our dogs in his behavior except that he was an exceptional beauty, rust, gorgeous, refined…I cannot tell you how beautiful and refined he was. He was a polo horse mainly.
My riding instructor required that we slept in the barn with our horse to get to know them better…
Glad you are in a community, by a river, among folks you love.
Good to see you J xo
Get a paint horse. I can see you riding a tobiano paint.
Ahhhh horses…so desperately need to find a way to ride again.
I got a turntable for Christmas and it feels so dreamy sitting in the living room, drinking something hot and listening to vinyl.
Speaking of dreamy….those photos….
Oh lovely, what a post! It’s like a flash of energy, colour and wind all at once 🙂 I dyed my hair grey just before Christmas, a not quite white shade of grey. It’s made me feel sassy, so if you’re thinking of going drastically white I say go for it. Hair is so delightfully temporary, there isn’t anything that can’t be changed or grown out. Xx
Happy New Year! The frosted landscapes filled with turquoise-d space provides a full-emptiness within. Thank you for your photograph’s easy breathing. xoxo…
I love you. Thank you for always sharing so much of you with us. You are a blessing.
That horse will find you…….I know it in my soul.
Much like the house I am “looking” for.
Trust your heart…. ah what patience brings. <3 <3
Hugs from Canada.
Well I feel all aflutter and breathless just reading your post. Sounds like you’ve got things going on left and right. I know how you feel. I myself am trying to accomplish squeezing more hours into each day….I’ll let you know if I figure out how to do it. I hope you find your horse. I love the mustang idea. If I were going to have a horse again I think I’d like to adopt one. Either a stout mustang or one from a horse rescue. One of my neighhhhbors (pun intended) has a horse rescue. Just around the corner from me. She must have 100 horses of every shape, size, and color – most of which are available for adoption. I am looking forward to seeing this re branding. I’m sure it will be stellar.
Jillian dear, I can feel your ache for a horse of your own – and this is what I think. Maybe the solution to your dilemma would be to look for a Mustang right now, as the intensity of your need will guide you to the Right One (he is calling you somewhere, obviously. Or maybe She is.) Then later on, when you have more time, you can also get a gaited horse and they will keep company to each other, and you’ll be able to ride together, you and Rob.
This has been on my mind since I read your post two days ago, so there.
AND I am tremendously happy that you are in possession again of your own unique energy :o)
Happy runs and rides in 2016! Thank you for all the magic you bring into our lives! xo
You certainly seem to be enjoying the colder months. I’m glad you feel better-and we know this because you said “boy howdy.” 🙂 That is a telltale sign.
I’ve been peeking in checking on your lovely Idaho adventures. I’ve been more of a lurker lately but still enjoy every bit of your blog/flickr/insta (geez, I feel like a stalker) But I’m very glad you can get back and enjoy one of the best places on earth.
Here’s hoping for ever evolving artistic growth and horses in 2016.
Just want to wish you a very Happy New Year 2016 (and many more new years in fact) and it seems that you are starting it with a great health which is one of the most important thing to have in life.
I am sure you will get the horse you want, sometimes to find the right thing we want is just a matter of time, and a horse you will have this year!!!!!
Old movies…I am a little older than you (I love when i say a little ahahahahahaha) so those movies where the ones I used to see when I was a teenager and a lot of old movies are master pieces, some don’t even get older, like made a few months ago.
Right now, I listen to Chilly Gonzales “Solo Piano” its fabulous. Discovered it when I was in the Bay area not long ago.
Bonne annee, good luck with the horse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
we saw the new Star Wars and loved it! just enough wit and humor mixed with juxtapositions of old and new to make it delightful!
Thank you all for your comments on this post — for taking the time. Appreciate you all so much! XX
If you like Hemingway, and into the movies of old… I suggest to you, reading “The Paris Wife” by Paula McLain. It’s a novel about Hadley Richardson who meets Ernest Hemingway , has a whirlwind love affair, marries him and moves to Paris while he writes “The Sun Also Rises” – it’s all the glamour of 1920’s Paris that is just delicious but we also see the life of literary infamy and how that effects love and self between Hadley and Ernest. It is FANTASTIC!
Hi Jillian! Totes respect that you don’t want to discuss the big T on your blog. Would you be willing to send me an email? I’m really struggling. Would love to hear what is working for you… just in case it’s something that could also work for me! jmendenh@ualberta.ca