21 & 24

CANOEI arrived home late last night from Saskatoon via Bozeman after two long days of winter driving and was washing a dish at the kitchen sink when I looked up to see this image stuck to the wall with a magnet.  I took this photo with my film camera at a take-out after a canoe trip on the Churchill River System of Northern Saskatchewan when I was 21 and Robert was 24.  Two months later, we eloped in Reno, Nevada and the rest is history, as they say.  I mounted the image on card stock and mailed it to Robert at Wheaton College as a postcard when he was a student there and I was still living in Saskatoon attending the University of Saskatchewan.  Rob found it while I was away in a box of things his parents shipped up to us from California and no doubt, it touched him the way it touched me, and so he stuck it up on the wall.  There is a long missive written on the back of this postcard in a tiny, cramped hand.  The words take me back, root me in the present and make me dream about the future.

We were dreamers then.  We are dreamers now.  We never dream small.

Here’s what I think of when I look at this image:

Holy basil.  Robert is a looker.

We were doing things on rivers in wild places, catching fish, living beautiful lives in beautiful spaces at the genesis of our relationship.  We lived this way when we met in New Zealand.  How we make our way through this world has been unchanging.

Even then I was taking portraits of us with my camera and stylistically, my images have the same voice today which FASCINATES me — my images continue to look this way (but better) and my work continues to revolve around nature, portraits in nature, and self-portraiture in holy moments which really assures me that the way I take photos is my own, and always has been.  That feels good.

It is apparent that who we were at 21 and 24 is who we continue to be at 32 and 35.  This is who I want to be, forever.  I want to keep ironing out unpleasant kinks in my personality, keep divorcing the sins of the generations that haunt me (as they do all of us), keep existing courageously in wild spaces with an arm wrapped around my best friend.

And I want to always have a boat.

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To Robert:  I didn’t think I could love you more then.  I don’t think I can love you more than I do now.  Which means I’m sure to love you exponentially more in the future.  Thank you for staying by my side.

Comments

  1. The frugal ecologist says

    Wow. What an amazing photo and an amazing moment. I am the same age as you and also met my husband at 21. It’s amazing where these last years have taken us.

    Thanks for the trip down memory lane and best to both of you.

  2. oh, that thread of our being that is spun and woven through our life experiences is indeed a constant one– something to be challenged by and to delight in, indeed!
    so much fun to follow along on your grand adventures, even when (or especially when!) the destination is always back ‘home’.
    xoxo

  3. So lovely! I know just what you mean. I met up with an old friend from Jr High recently and she was looking at some of my work and said, “these are so you! They remind me of the doodles you used to make in class.” I was surprised at how much it meant to me to hear that, but it felt good to know that I’m still expressing the same self that I’ve always been.

    You are Robert are adorable. <3

  4. Now that’s just beautiful. Here’s to the both of you….may you always wander the wild places together. xx

  5. Catherine Chandler says

    You guys are so cute!!! Ah I love this. So fresh and young 🙂 And you had short hair!! Or at least it looks like you did.

    Also, I know that feeling of the growth of love. I never thought I could love Dave more than I did years ago, and every day I find I do love him more than before. I fall in love over and over and over again.

  6. i was all caught up in the beauty and sentiment of the post and then i read the words “and i always want to have a boat.” and then, i snorted and chuckled. that’s SO YOU. and i so very much love the you that you were then, the you that you are now. you da best. [and yes, holy coyote, robert is a looker.]

    you teach me to walk the paths set out in front of me, and i am grateful for that.
    i love each and every post you post.

    x

  7. Oh, how wonderful!! <3

  8. I would have thought this was present day… everything changes, yet stays the same. Isn’t it lovely how love expands?

  9. I love that you married young. That you knew the right person when you found each other.

    I am not who I was when I was 21 and that is a good thing for me. Oh the things that I wish I could say to the younger me!

  10. How beautiful. How young. What a wonderful path… you went. Oh how I love LOVE. And the wild.
    Thanks.

  11. what a beautiful road/river(!) you found yourselves on and that you continue to journey along together.
    I always imagine us to grow like trees with their ever expanding rings…starting with a sturdy (hopefully) centre and expanding outwards year upon year, into and out of ourselves.

  12. Gorgeous photo, beautiful words xx

  13. So good to hear from you again;) this is such a lovely post, your love for your husband is so sweet;) brought a happy tear to my eye

  14. This just warmed my heart this morning! Last night I was at a gallery opening by photographer Suzy Lake. Up at the podium, she thanked many who have helped her through the years, but then she teared up, and had to take a moment, as she thanked ‘home.’ …For always being there, that most important support. Having that place (and those warm arms) to come back to after all the crazy adventures is just the most beautiful thing.

  15. Ach, so cute!

    My husband and I have been together for 9 years and it truly is the funnest thing to look back at old photos! I’d love to hear more about how the two of you met…sounds like an adventure!

  16. This is beautiful, friend.
    xx

  17. your outdoorsy adventure photos of yourself and your husband often remind me of photos of my mom and dad when they were young. they also took a lot of (self-)portraits of the two of them hiking and camping together. you look a bit similar to my young mom, but also the photos have the same sense of freedom, love, and joy in the wilderness. they’ve been together since my dad was 20 and my mom was 23. they eloped in 1976 to prove to their parents that living together while not married or living together while married made not one bit of difference to their commitment to each other. and they are still very much in love and enjoying adventures together, in their 60s!

  18. Elizabeth Waggoner says

    Lovely! I’m sure you’ve been told before, and I hope you KNOW, what an inspiration your lives are. Truly Blessed in so many ways! Thank you for sharing it with us.

  19. This is so beautiful, Jillian. I hope to have a best friend like Robert one day too. c-:

  20. Oh my heart, girlfriend. Just beautiful.

  21. Welcome back both of you! Nothing like a photo or a song to evoke special memories and sentiments…such great reminders…Fun FUN 🙂

  22. I guess I just love everything about this. Evolution. Lovely complicated simplistic evolution.

  23. Love. Love. Love. So wonderful. XO

  24. Yay for good relationships that grow and last for the long haul. Congratulations you two for being together and following your dreams.

  25. A truly beautiful, precious moment captured. I can imagine you both looking at this photo when you are 72 and 75 years young, and saying Holy Basil again!

  26. Thank you all so much for being here, for your stalwart readership even when it takes me a few weeks to post something substantial! I appreciate you so much. X

  27. Beautiful! I just married my best friend a little over a month ago. We’ve been together 9 years and every day is a new adventure. Thank you so much for sharing!

  28. Mashed potatoes says

    Impossible not to get misty-eyed whilst reading this entry.
    Touching and very, very beautiful! It makes my heart happy that you’ve found each other xo

  29. In addition to all the other wonderful, marvelous & beautiful things that you are…you’re so precious! XO